Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) “Look-At-Me” of the Week

Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) “Look-At-Me” of the Week

If you have ever lived within the New York City local television broadcast market (one of my underground bunkers is located therein) you likely have had the misfortune to be exposed to inordinate quantities of U.S. Senator Charles “Chuck” Schumer (D- N.Y.).  It is safe to say that good old Chuck has never met a camera he didn’t like and is in perpetual “re-election mode”.  Press releases from his office multiply faster than Tribbles.  In an on-going series of posts I will attempt to illustrate some of the BIG ISSUES Chuck likes to tackle.  Needless to say, I may have some commentary on the BIG ISSUE of the week.

This week’s inaugural “Look-At-Me” finds our intrepid Senator in Niagara Falls, New York.  According to his press release, the Federal “Office of Justice Programs (OJP) Diagnostic Center will bring federal experts to the city to partner with local government…” yada, yada, yada.  The reason for this Federal encroachment into local government? It seems that the crime rate in Niagara Falls spikes during the summer tourist season.  Odd, isn’t it?  The crime rate spikes when there are more people in the area.  Oh, and by the way, “[t]his past year alone [this federal program] provided over $2.2 billion to states and local communities like Niagara Falls to help support local law enforcement.”

Ok, let me go out on a limb and take a stab at solving this issue and, perhaps, save the Federal Government (us taxpayers) a few dollars if anyone listens to me:

Problem: The Niagara Falls crime rate spikes when there are more tourists in the area.  Conversely, the crime rate dips in the off-tourist season.  Presumably the number of LOCAL law enforcement officers remains constant throughout the year.

Solution: Hire part-time seasonal police officers during the tourist season.  Seasonal officers are retired local/state/federal law enforcement officers.  They are already trained.  They get an hourly rate of pay and incur no further expenses to the locality (unless they are hurt in the line of duty).  Said seasonal employment does not increase their pension.  How will the locals pay for these seasonal officers?  The concomitant reduction in crime will increase tourism rates and thereby increase the revenue (specifically local sales taxes) generated for the locality.

Conclusion: There, problem solved!  Feds stay out of local affairs, our federal tax dollars are better spent (ok, I’m a dreamer) and over the course of a year or two, tourists come pouring into Niagara Falls once again.

Niagara Falls and Federal taxpayers, you are welcome!  No charge to either of you this time for my consultation.  Gratuities will be happily accepted.

Tune in next week to see what shenanigans Chuck gets into next week!

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